


It Don't Mean A Thing ...

by hazelandglasz



Category: Glee
Genre: Accidents, Domestic, Fluff and Crack, Idiots in Love, M/M, Oops, Sex Swing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 13:35:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4837169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelandglasz/pseuds/hazelandglasz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt #23: (Author of the Week, Miasswier’s choice) Kurt and Blaine decide to try something new (sexually) but it goes horribly, horribly wrong (like, hilarious wrong, not angsty wrong)</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Don't Mean A Thing ...

**Author's Note:**

> ... If It Ain't Got That Swing

“You know what would be fun?”

Blaine looks up from his book and wiggles his feet on Kurt’s lap to show that his husband has his attention.

“A sex swing.”

Blaine’s eyebrows make a valiant effort to join his hairline. “Repeat that, and slowly please.”

Kurt sends his magazine to the coffee table and straightens up. “Listen to me,” he says, lifting one hand as if approaching a cornered dog. “I love you, and you love me, we love each other, it’s all very grand--”

“Jee, make us sound even more boring, I dare you.”

“Shush. I adore our sex life as it is, but I can’t help thinking--,” Kurt pauses, winces and frowns, “I can’t help wondering if maybe we could use some … spice, in it.”

This time, Blaine knows that he looks offended. “Some spice?” he repeats. “Excuse me, but I think it has the perfect amount of heat. I think our neighbors think it has the perfect amount of heat.”

And then Blaine makes the mistake of looking more closely at Kurt.

Because his husband is blushing and pouting, which makes for a deadly combination.

Uh-oh.

“Also, I do wonder what got you on the path of a sex swing,” Blaine adds, trying to go for teasing, but his voice definitely gets strangled on the last words.

Kurt is definitely taking a burgundy-ish hue now, and Blaine’s curiosity is all the more alight.

“I … might,” Kurt starts, looking at his hands--and the parallel between this side of Kurt and one Blaine almost forgot, from back where they were not even a “we” is so strong in this moment that Blaine bites back a teasing remark to listen carefully-- “have, um, watched a …,” and Kurt’s voice ends up in a murmur.

“Sorry, what?”

“Oh come on!”

“No, really,” Blaine exclaims, lifting his hands up in a show of innocence, “I didn’t catch that.”

“Imighthavewatchedapornanditlookedfun, okay!”

Blaine mouths the words he caught. “... Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, I get the … inspiration.”

Kurt humphs and sits back in the couch, looking expectantly at Blaine. “And?”

“And I think I need to watch said video to get on the inspiration train.”

Kurt’s eyes widen and his lips stretch into a shy smile. “Really?”

“First, the video, Kurt.”

\---

Truth be told, it does look like both … participants are having fun.

Blaine can totally see them doing it--seriously, they’re both former cheerleaders, pretty athletic, in the prime of their lives, no children to speak of yet …

Yeah, that sounds like the kind of ...spice he could tolerate.

But he’s not about to give in so easily, and for ten days, Blaine really makes Kurt work for it.

Until one evening, Kurt comes home to something in their living room.

[Something ](http://g02.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB19z3wHVXXXXX_XFXXq6xXFXXX0/Top-Quality-Leather-Swing-Chairs-Sex-Hammocks-Leather-font-b-Love-b-font-font-b-Sling.jpg)that involves metal, and leather, and many of his wet dreams.

Something Blaine is leaning against while wearing a silky bathrobe and juggling with a bottle of lubricant.

“Oh my God, Blaine!” Kurt exclaims, leaning against the door to make sure it’s closed--he knows how noisy their neighbors can be--and for emotional support.

“I was in the mood for spices,” Blaine says, voice dropped as low as he can without feeling ridiculous. “What do you smph--”

Kurt launches himself at Blaine, kissing the words out of him before pressing kisses and licks to the side of Blaine’s neck. “You--are--the-best--I love--you--so--much,” he mumbles against Blaine’s skin, before huffing at his uncooperative clothes for blocking him in his progress.

Blaine takes a hold of Kurt’s hands to slow him down,

“Here,” he says with a crooked smile, pushing Kurt’s jacket off of his elbows, and then meticulously unbuttoning his shirt. “We have all the time in the world.”

Kurt’s shirt is open, and he pulls Blaine closer by the belt of his robe for a soft, sweet, languorous kiss. “Oh, I’m going to take my time alright,” he all but purrs against Blaine’s lips.

Blaine smiles into the kiss, and it’s off-centered and weird and perfect.

“Come on hubby,” he finally says as he steps back to let Kurt take his pants off while he, himself, slides the robe off of his shoulders, “let’s get this party swinging!”

\---

“I am so sorry.”

“Humph.”

“I’ll do anything you ask of me, okay?”

“Start by getting that ice pack I asked about an hour ago, fuck, Kurt!”

“On it, on it.”

From his spot on the floor, Blaine looks at Upside Down Kurt, still naked, trotting to the kitchen.

“Hum …”

“What.”

“No ice pack,” Kurt says in a small voice, “but we have garden peas!”

“Wonderful, I’ll have a risi e bisi--what the actual fuck, Kurt?!”

“I meant that we could use it as,” Kurt replies, voice tense as he gently puts the frozen bags on Blaine’s head and sliding on under his back, “an ice pack.”

Blaine sighs in relief as the cold dismisses the pain.

“Probably not my best idea, huh?” Kurt asks, sitting cross legged next to Blaine to keep the bag on Blaine’s bump.

“Probably not,” Blaine mumbles, leaning into Kurt’s touch. “I probably should have screwed it better.”

Kurt snorts and Blaine opens one eye. “Seriously, Kurt?”

“Well, until the stand gave out, that was some pretty epic screwing we had going,” Kurt replies, laughter in the back of his voice in a slight tremor.

Blaine wiggles slightly, to arrange the bag of peas--and dammit if it’s as good, or even better, than an actual ice pack--and to get back some of the sensation of being full with Kurt’s cock. “Yeah,” he says, begrudgingly. “That was … that was pretty good.”

Kurt’s free hand reaches for Blaine’s stomach and starts moving down.

“Uh, darling?” Blaine tries. “Not to point out the obvious, but … not really in the mood anymore.”

“I’m sure an orgasm would help with the pain,” Kurt says softly, fingers brushing against Blaine’s hipbone.

“Not so sure,” Blaine replies, and he knows he sounds whiny but fuck, he actually saw stars, and not the good kind of sex related stars.

“Allow me to try?”

“You really want to try something else tonight?”

Kurt nods, getting on his knees to press a kiss to Blaine’s navel.

“I swear to God, Kurt, if it hurts--”

“If it’s hurting you, I’ll stop and I’ll carry you to our actual bed to give you a massage.”

Blaine looks at him with a blank stare.

“With my own massage oil, the one I forbid you to even look at it’s so expensive.”

Blaine considers it and leans back, finding a good way to lie down to get the frozen peas in the best place while also giving Kurt some room to do … whatever he wants to trie.

The way he opens his legs is agreement enough, and Kurt gently gets to work, kissing his way around Blaine’s cock and balls and inner thighs, until Blaine taps his shoulder.

“Painful?”

“A bit too sore, yeah,” Blaine says, wincing as he tries sitting up. “Not that I don’t appreciate the effort, and we will try that,” he adds, gesturing at the marks Kurt left on his lower body, “later.”

“But not now?”

“Not now.”

Kurt looks so apologetic that Blaine reaches for him, cupping his cheek in his hand.

“I’m really sorry I got you hurt,” Kurt whispers before moving away, offering his arms to help Blaine stand up.

“I’m really sorry too,” Blaine replies, holding onto Kurt’s shoulders.

Kurt sweeps him in his arms, bridal style. “Come on, I did promise you a massage.”

As Kurt carries him, a thought crosses Blaine’s mind, and he smothers his snickers in Kurt’s collarbone.

“Care to share?”

Blaine laughs more openly, though it hurts his back a little when he does. “I’ve always wanted to cross sex induced injury from my bucket list.”

Kurt raises one eyebrow as he delicately puts Blaine down on the mattress, slowly pushing him to roll on his front. “That’s an interesting bucket list.”

Blaine looks at him over his shoulder with a smirk. “You have no idea.”

 


End file.
